Swallow the Ocean Book Review
Swallow the Ocean by Laura Flynn is a heartbreaking story about a broken family and the suffering of two sisters with a mother diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia; she doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not. Throughout her infancy, Laura Flynn tries to make sense of her mother's thinking and her complicated thoughts. After interacting frequently with her mother and after, her mother teaching her about it for ten whole years, she finally grasps the way her mother thinks. She finally understands that the evil brands are the things that put them in danger; and not to bathe in another’s house, to not destroy the protective halo that her mother cast on her. But, as she matures gradually, she realizes the truth between what is real and what is imaginary, and slowly, she becomes convinced about her mother being absorbed by madness.
Laura Flynn was once situated inside a caring family with loving parents. Inside her innocent mind, her mother could do nothing that wasn’t right. Suddenly, her world shifts, and her perfect family broke apart. Laura was 10 years old when her mother Sally began to show signs of her mental disease. She was no longer a stunning woman who wore heels and dresses whenever she stepped out of the door, but an old lady who wore dirty shirts and pants coated with bits of mud. At that point, Sally was no longer the woman Laura craved to be when she grew up, but what she'd dreaded.
At the start of the book, Sally didn’t seem abnormal. She took a lot of care of her family, but had a few strange habits like meditating, and the difficulty to throw things away. But slowly, her definition of “reality” began to collapse. She turned to her dreams for guidance, limited the things that her daughters could eat or wear, and believed that her husband was on the devil’s side; she was entirely convinced that Russell, her husband, had “crossed the line”, as she puts it. Shortly, they signed the divorce papers, and the father struggled to get custody.
Laura was never very close to her father, but she was glad that the fighting has come to an end. After Russell left, Sally’s illness has not become any better. She filled her children's heads with unreal facts about demons and evil creatures. As days passed, Sally began to take out her anger on Sara, the eldest daughter. Sara never fought back, only swallowing the tears that welled behind her eyes. She couldn’t take it anymore, and was the second one to turn away from her mother; she ran away to her father’s house, and was added onto the list for the people who have “crossed the line”.
Laura felt devastated when Sara ran away; no one was there anymore, to shield her from her mother, no one there to confide her fears to. She slowly pulled away from Sally; she had the sudden urge to run from Sally when they hugged, she no longer liked to talk to her; slowly, their relationship changed drastically. After knowing about the difficulties the girls are facing, Russell brings Sally to court and asks for custody in public. Sally smartly made the judge believe her version of the story, and the custody remained in Sally's hands.
He did not give up, though. The second time, he decided to prove that Sally was mentally unstable and the judge would see Sally as an unfit parent. As doctors interrogated both families, Laura told them about the talks her mom gives her about the spirit worlds, the evil brands, the telling of dreams, and her staring for hours at the American coins; she was desperate to leave Sally.
The second court was going to take place soon enough, and Laura received a phone call from Sally while she was staying at her dad's. She told her that she was sorry, and that Laura was going to have to stay with Russell for a little while. Laura wanted to live a normal life with her dad, but part of her wanted to stay there for her mom. Although she didn't have the intention of staying with her, both sides cried silently on the phone.
This was one of the greatest impacts in Laura's life, watching her strong mother, who took care of them so long, who placed voodoo dolls and Buddhist statues in the room, to cry so much like a normal person, like a mortal. She knew that her mom would need someone, deep down, although she wasn't prepared to be the one to bare the burden.
In the page 136, Laura mentions the story in which there was a Chinese brother who could swallow the ocean. It was hard because he had to bear the weight that lay on his head. After he supported the weight for so long, he finally bursts. I think that they made "Swallow the Ocean" the title, because this story reflects on the main character herself. The way she had to bear the burden when her mother is around, swallowing the pressure that her mom provides. And as it says, she bursts in the end; she gives up on her mom and leaves her alone.
After many years, Laura has grown to be a successful woman with a stable career and a good life. Nevertheless, Sally remained the same, and refused to get treatment of any kind. The law allowed that because she had stayed out of trouble for the past years. She didn't want any of them, Russell or the kids, to know where she lived and barely contacted them. As Laura tries to find her, she realizes that deep down; she always has loved her mother for who she was. Family cannot be easily separated, bloodlines are impossible to cut, but neither can little 10-year-olds swallow the ocean.
“Someone once said that having a relative with schizophrenia is like a funeral that never ends.” (264)
This phrase impacted me because it made me feel the horrors of what the character feels like with a mental-diseased mother. She said that it was a never ending funeral, because they couldn’t pray to their mother when they’re in a difficult situation, or in a point when she needs support; seeing as she’s still alive. That makes her mother’s illness worse than death; which proves how unimaginably horrifying it is to lose a mother that way.
“He couldn’t yell-- his mouth was full of the ocean. He wobbled back and forth, nearly toppling under the weight of his big head. Finally he burst.”
This sentence reflected upon how Laura felt throughout her whole life, and how the title came along. She was afraid to call out help, and she felt like she had no choice, like the Chinese brother. She feels like she struggles under the pressure both her mother and a father, and the court; are giving her. Her mother, by telling her to back away from the devil’s side. Her father, telling her that he would get her out of Sally’s house; but failing. And the court; forcing her to choose between her father and her mother.
“He’d known that eventually he’d have to sue for custody. He’d delayed because taking us away from her seemed too cruel. She’d already lost so much – he felt like losing us would remove her last anchor to reality. Without us, he thought, she’d slip away completely into her own world. He’d never imagined that she would turn on one of us.”
This part was one of the most impacting moments in the whole story. Her mother admitted that Sara was no longer part of her, and therefore, has “crossed the line.” It was beyond my imagination that she would turn on one of her daughters. It even took Russell by surprise, and he therefore strengthened his will to gain custody for the daughters.
I was intrigued by this book, it seemed so enchanted. It’s amazing how the author captures the moment and makes it so magical; the reader could easily have mistaken this book for fiction. The incredible part is, after knowing that it is a memoir, it’s impossible to believe that this has actually taken place in someone’s life. It made me really sad to have seen Laura’s mother convert from an excellent woman to a person sunken in schizophrenia; the change would have been impossible to bear if it happened to me. It was also sad when I read about the desperation of Laura when her dad failed to get custody in the first place; it must have been terrifying if your own dad couldn’t even save you from that situation.
This book really shows what you can get from tough circumstances, and the resilience that children have. It seems as if kids don’t comprehend anything the grown-ups are talking about; but they’re actually sensitive, and can grab the sense of moods easily. Laura and her sisters’ lives were molded by their mother’s illness; it made me understand that we have to get the best out of our circumstances, even if you get the worst situations.
